> Dirk: Fuck it. Keep going.

[resonantrhyme]

After two weeks of talking to Rose and sounding off ideas on r/relationshipadvice, I decide I'm cured and it's time to move forward. I'm wearing my best tank top, an Otogakure band as a belt, and socks with slides so I'm not too overdressed. Just outside the door, Karkat is waiting for me.
I'll admit that I initially couldn't decide what our first date should be. It's the first of many, and I think I'm reasonable in wanting it to be perfect. I had hoped you people would put aside your personal opinions of my writing to help a bro out, but in retrospect I guess that was more than a little naive. We're all learning here.

heres a wild thought ask him

Some suggestions were to take him out on the romcom favorite "dinner and a movie." Then I remembered he's a true romantic and made plans to invite him back to my place for dinner, just the two of us. Well, I guess for him it's more like lunch. It is 3:00AM.

what if he doesnt show up

He has to show up. It's my story. He doesn't have a choice.

ok but what would you do then i want to confirm the existence of a timeline where we get 3k words of raw unfiltered strider manpain because your own writing stood you up like you deserve

Karkat can't wait any longer and walks in, interrupting Davebot before he can successfully induce any doubt about the sincerity of Karkat's completely-understandable and undeniable attraction to me. That's why he agreed to this date in the first place. He likes me.

you might as well change the name man this isnt karkat this is an oc original dirk strider brain worm

DIRK: I made this for you.

KARKAT: D-DIRK...

His face flushes a brilliant red as I decaptchalogue the gift I spent hours bringing into existence, as an expression of what I hope our relationship can become. I think it's a custom to bring a little something extra to a date, and if it's not, fuck it, I'm making it one. Anyway, Karkat's grateful, even if he's flustered. He wears his heart on his sleeve, and as much as I'm not a fan, I'm at least relieved that I don't have to guess what he's thinking.

KARKAT: I DIDN'T GET YOU ANYTHING.

DIRK: That's fine. Here, take it.

> Dirk: Be gentle to delicate petal Vantas.

this is a lot of effort for it to just be ironic

im pushing 40 ive had time to refine the craft and this is looking alarmingly genuine dude

What? No. Are you even paying attention? I would never do any of this stuff, that's why it's ironic.

if you have to explain the irony youre not being as insincere as you think just saying

You know, you can skip rope with my last goddamn nerve all you want, I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of a reaction. I'm going to pull out the chair for Karkat, we're going to sit at the table, and enjoy our fictional and above all ironic date.

KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO APPRECIATE ART, BECAUSE I'M KIND OF A MORON, BUT THIS ISN'T UGLY. IT'S BETTER THAN DAVE'S WOULD BE IN THE SAME SITUATION.

oh wow

DIRK: Let's not talk about Dave.

I made sure to be prepared by bringing a pocket-sized collection of my research notes. Things I learned from dating Jake--

almost six years ago

--as well as knowledge acquired from a brief foray into the Wikipedia page on courtship. I've divided the evening into three categories. First,

this is becoming a list of reasons for karkat not to date you shit youll be lucky if he lets you down gently

First, we're going to get to know each other outside of being important people in [redacted]'s life.

you know for a guy who has maybe two facial expressions in his repertoire you sure are a drama queen

DIRK: When I was in therapy, we had a long discussion about id, ego, and the repressed desires I may have subconsciously possessed this entire time. Towards you, that is.

christ

KARKAT: UH HUH.

DIRK: Yes. She pointed out that the initial sexual component of our relationship may be attributed to an attempt to define our relationship using heterosexual gender roles that are pervasive in the media I was raised on from the ashes of Earth B society, which I see may not make sense because we're both men, and you're a literal fucking alien.

KARKAT: THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE SO SMART, DIRK.

what do you even gain from this

do you do this just to make me uncomfortable cause gotta say its working real fucking well

I reach my hands over the table and intertwine my fingers with his. I'm quiet, but not for long, because that would be OOC of me.

DIRK: She didn't say this exactly but I think what I wanted all along...

DIRK: Before I met you, even...

DIRK: I wanted this. Someone to get me, to see me and still...

KARKAT: WANT YOU? EVEN WHEN YOU'RE AFRAID?

DIRK: ...Yeah.

somebody tell him to stop please hes got ten chapters on standby he will post them all and we will have to sit through a dirkkat wedding and dirkkat fankids and things i cant even think of right now because the level of distress im on is not capable of being described by mere words

The real drama queen shows his face at last.