resonantrhyme

in a perfect world the answer to that very valid question would be never ever again end of story
you think the grand lesson in ascending to full unfiltered biblical tier godhood would be something way more profound about the meaning of life or some shit no guess again its actually the fact that all instances of karkat vantas should file a restraining order immediately
like ok dirk was always weird about him but i used to chalk that up to him being weird in fucking general like weve established dude has negative social skills just being in the same room as him deducts charisma
karkitten used to be like HEY, YOUR HUMAN "BRO" HAS BEEN STARING AT ME FOR AN HOUR WITHOUT BLINKING. I'M KIND OF UNCOMFORTABLE? and id be like nah thats just how he is dont mind him
switch tracks from that
be me
die
and then rewind the timeline to find out no davebot thats not how he is
how he is is writing enough erotica of himself and the dude youre not actually dating even if you wish you were (but anybody with eyes could respect the claim) to fill a small countrys national library like dudes got his own personal library of alexandria and its all hardcover printout copies of how he would in theory diddle one of my best friends

Do you have anything constructive to add, or are you just here to bitch and moan?

bitch sure but the only one moaning is evidently the slutty!karkat you came up with
heres something constructive
real karkat
and you would know this if you ever actually spoke to him instead of ogling

I've never "ogled" him.

lie again
anyway
real karkat
is one layer removed from wearing a psychological chastity belt at all times

That's not possible.

no hear me out im ultimate dave im the authority on this
this one time jade tried to be sexy and you know shes pretty hard to turn down. but he bit her when she tried him and it was in the not sexy way and it just solidified what anyone with half a brain would already suspect and thats that karkat
look
you cant just whip your microdick out and call it a day
like i dont think thats how any relationship works? but i could be wrong
not as wrong as you though

I know that's not how relationships work. I was in one, smartass. How many relationships have you been in?

jake doesnt count

What do you mean he "doesn't count"? We dated for six months, you can't spin that any other way.

he doesnt count try again
actually
no dont
cherubs dont count either

...

like i was saying
you gotta work for the trussy hes not a fan of handouts and he doesnt do charity work
anyway new plot is this
karkat climbs off of dirks nasty shriveled skin pole
he pulls on his eggplant print sweats one leg at a time
he shakes his ass to make sure theyre on all the way cause i gets thats something you do when youre caked up beyond reason and dirk of course is there slobbering the whole time like the dog he is

I'm not?

you are now

Oh, fuck off.

so karkat stomps over to the door cause thats just how he does

KARKAT: WHEN YOU'VE ESTABLISHED WITH A LICENSED THERAPIST, YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME.

now that hes gone dirk goes and takes a cold shower the likes of which would make skinny dipping in antarctica seem like a refreshing tropical vacation activity

And?

and what

What happens next?

oh my fucking god
i dont care? i was just invested in dork katherine divorce fever you know its all the rage these days im pretty sure its actually trending on chittr if you look it up

I don't use Chittr.

yeah i know you live and breathe reddit and wikipedia and we all thought that was an endearing quirk of yours until we opened our eyes and grew more than one brain cell to split between our ectobiological relations next

They're reputable websites.

of course they are

Shut up.

Oh, are you done?

maybe, maybe not

i cant leave yet i know youll just make karkat come right back in here and spread eagle for you let you hit it from the back like youve been fantasizing since he first called you a DRIED-UP, PRETENTIOUS, NOOKSMOTHERING DISEASEFACTORY for beating him in smash ten consecutive times

Fair and square. I'm not going to lose because he bend-and-snaps while changing the disc.

youre horrible

i dont know why i ever felt bad that you died im really starting to think that was divine intervention

Harsh. Anyway, with Ultimate Dave (predictably) up my ass about Karkat and my (allegedly) "unrealistic" portrayal of a purely-hypothetical relationship, I--
Wait, no, you had me in the shower.
Okay, so, I'm in the shower. I get the original, uninfluenced idea to seek psychiatric help for my many, debilitating issues. Even if I've resolved them already, we're going to go through official channels of treatment, you know, like plebs.

how do you sleep at night

well

i guess you dont do you

I shut off the water.
This idea cannot possibly wait, so I message Rose via my shades.

you

youre wearing them

in the shower

-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

TT: Rose.

TT: To what do I owe the pleasure?

TT: I'm told I may benefit from talking about my problems versus keeping them under lock and key where they belong.

TT: As most human beings do.

TT: I'd ask what inspired the change but I doubt I'd be able to make sense of it. I'm just glad you didn't have to be bound, gagged, and dragged, even to a simple consultation, after all.

TT: I still think it's a waste of time.

And so, Rose told me all about the many benefits of traditional mental health counseling. There. I found a therapist, we held a conversation, mission accomplished. Actually, if I remember what you said correctly, which I do, that's two birds and one stone.

-- timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

rose is not a real therapist my guy

shit she still cites freud im pretty sure even if she WAS licensed therapy from her is actively in your worst interest

If Freud was wrong, he wouldn't still have a Wikipedia page.

oh look at that we hit the word count im out