resonantrhyme | > Dirk: Stop writing.

Stop writing altogether or stop writing that particular scene? If it's the latter, I'm inclined to agree with you as the pace were moving at was a little slow for my tastes even if it's more faithful to Karkat's interests. I mean, how many dates do the main leads in your average rom-com go on? Two? One horrendous one that leads to an epiphany about their relationship, followed by a wedding? Not that I would know, I've just heard.
You'll have to be more specific. I won't simply "stop" because a disembodied voice in my head commands me to.
I take a break from the narrative bubble where I've lovingly constructed a to-scale model of my apartment, complete with doubles of Karkat and myself, to school these fuckers on the reality of the situation. That being, I don't fucking have a stupid goddamn lousy crush on him. At all.
And, you know what? I will entertain you. I'll make a presentation that's really on your level so you can understand what I'm saying and where I'm coming from.

Why I don’t have a “thing” for Karkat Vantas: A PowerPoint presentation brought to you by Dirk Strider. (No, I will not use a different “font.”)

I'll come right out and say it, point-blank. I don't have any feelings beyond a casual and completely reasonable dislike of, I don't fucking know, the way he generally chooses to conduct himself?
He has a beyond-repulsive sense of fashion (and calling it that is actually generous) not to mention that he doesn't take care of himself at all and it's a real disservice to the normally-reasonable people who for some reason see something worth "stanning" in this overhyped, shouty crotch goblin.

Not me. I don't see a damn thing. In fact, I wrote this to show you all how much of a joke it would be to even consider giving him a single moment of my increasingly-valuable time. A man's got irons in the fire, you feel me? I don't have time to worry about dating, and I especially don't have time to worry about dating someone whose so far removed from my level, they had to invent a new unit of measure to properly encompass the distance. They named it the Karketer, and it's actually a standard part of the metric system in the Consort Kingdom, so there.
I mean what is there about him that draws people to him? I've heard Rose mention a few theories Vriska had on the meteor about how the Blood aspect functions, but fuck her theories, the answer to that question is as follows: it doesn't fucking function at all. It doesn't do shit. It's the weakest link, and frankly, its absences from SBURB versions Alpha and Beta should speak for themselves.

The odds that I feel anything for Karkat outside of continued disappointment. I can sense the doubt. You think my admission that Karkat does have some traits about him that could be considered “attractive” means that I’m admitting to having a painful, intense crush on him. This is not the case.

Anyway, back to the point. Why does he get to be such a fragile goddamn flower, cry like a stupid fucking pansy at something as moronic as the predictable plot twist in one of his Alternian rom-coms, and still have everyone wrapped around his pinky finger. Claw. Whatever. Even me, to an extent! I'm sitting here, wasting hours, typing up all the reasons he should get a certification in sucking ass at existing--a long list which he'll never have the pleasure of reading (due to the content I've skillfully attached it to)--and thinking about him when he's not even thinking about me.
Is this Skaia's way of nerfing me to foil my grand master plan before the wheels are even in motion? Is it giving me a motive that my friends and family will better understand, thus allowing them to sympathize and perhaps remember me in a better light than my future actions would allow under normal circumstances? And what even is normal for us? I'm giving myself a headache.
Hey Davebot, you're awful quiet. What say you on this matter?

okay so the fact that you sound borderline in need of immediate remand to the nearest psychiatric facility they need to lock you up and throw away the key is present im laying it out where i can see it you can see it and we can do a two time cool dude subtle nod one pixel smirk combo at it

now that thats out of the way

i dont really care to say much here cause i think you going through all five stages of grief because of your dumb crush is funny as fuck and honestly you can dig this hole for yourself without my help

im so touched that you asked though

...
That was a moment of weakness, I should've never summoned you back here.

admit it you missed my witty running commentary on your trainwreck attempts to get in waifu karkats anime hotboy pants

you cant just click through to the next slide cause you dont want to hear me

ill still be here

I can't like him. We're too different. I can surrender that I may find him less than completely hideous in the most emetic sense of the word. I think it's not super unreasonable to desire some of the freedoms he has for myself, or to feel pretty fucking slighted because I trip over my-fucking-self trying to make it up to my friends for putting up with my abysmal persona and all he has to do is breathe to get everyone and their fucking mother offering to die for him.

hmm translation i think karkat is the greatest thing since sliced bread as i should and i dont know how to reconcile that with the other inhabitants of my tortured psyche woe is me

Prolonged, regular contact with Karkat has obviously given you some sort of brain rot that causes you to think he's anything besides kind of hot and basically useless. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, David, but your little friend-that's-a-boy is not useful. OCs derivative of him are not useful either.

cranky because you feel the need to be useful when literally nobody not a goddamn soul asked for your help arent you

I try to not let things get to that point. I weep for what this story will become when it has a narrator who can't fucking see the problem before it's tossed to him like a flaming bag of dog shit on his front porch. "Hey, Davebot! Fix this for us!"

i actually learned from you dingus if somebody doesnt fucking want to be better youre wasting everyones time trying to help them

Maybe so, but what kind of friend are you if you just sit around and let them screw up?

its not about letting them screw up

its about understanding that whether or not they have or will screw up isnt your decision?? i could be biased because i have a distinct memory set where my first kiss was overshadowed by obnoxious orange brose dedicating entire paragraphs to the shimmer of unshed tears on karkats eyelashes

That wasn't your first kiss.

i dont count the game

...Why not?

idk i can think of a couple reasons

more importantly why do you count the game

No reason in particular. I just figure a kiss is a kiss.

dirk

What?

the game was your first and last kiss wasnt it

No, it wasn't. Shut up.

a seven year dry spell is a much more believable motive than whatever you're going to pull out of your ass a few years down the line just so you know

if you want sympathy i think thats your ticket right there i am feeling very sorry for you right now

not sorry enough to back the dirk strider did nothing wrong campaigns on chittr but they dont seem so crazy to me anymore

on god bro well get you some trussy